Typical Overhyped TV Crime Stories
During the November Sweeps Period
In our continuing effort to chronicle the idiot culture, we bring you "news" from a typically empty local-TV "investigation" of crime at area malls. Served up during the November "sweeps" period, when ratings mania induces these environmental polluters to broadcast even more stupid and overhyped marginalia than usual, this WEWS stunt purports to uncover lots of "crime" at area malls. But when you click over to the actual stats, you find almost no violent crime, just a bunch of cars being stolen and broken into. There were only two rapes and no muggings or other kinds of assaults. That's a hell of a lot of mall visits by several million people over an entire year, and very little crime. Which of course should mean very little "news." But then, these idiots aren't in the news business; they merely pretend to be. So here's a suggestion: the next time you see one of these "news mannequins" (in Mark Naymik's immortal phrase, back when he wrote for the Free Times) rise to give a talk at some community event, feigning all the gravitas they can summon, do your best to ignore them, or perhaps even laugh. Because they deserve that, or worse.